“I, Vampire” issues 12 – 13

Written by Joshua Hale Fialkov

Wildstorm concepts: stormwatch authority-jack-hawksmoor authority-apollo authority-midnighter authority-engineer

All-star WesternSorry about the long wait between posts, my computer was broken.

Well, this is a couple of confusing issues, in which StormWatch are little more than a cameo. Jack Hawksmoor realizes that an entire city has disappeared, so they go check it out; it turns out everybody on it has been turned into zombies by the Van Hellsing family, a group of insane vampire hunters. They’re tangled in an all-out fight with a group of vampires, led by the “Vampire Messiah” Andrew Benneth.

This is really hard to tell, though, since the awful traced art makes no distinctions between vampires and zombies and there’s just too many characters in each panel. Anyhow, Hawksmoor, Apollo and Midnighter go help, though it’s hard to tell just who are the good guys. As it turns out, the Van Hellsing have infected most of Andrew’s vampire followers, turning them into zombie vampire vampire hunters! Man, what a stupid sentence. But the point is that there’s almost no good guys at all, just Andrew and three of his associates.

Apollo and Midnighter, the rookie members of the team, can’t quite believe that vampires are real, but they’re stoked. Middy gets to kill Dracula! Although the writer is a mess who can’t quit referencing Anner Rice and teenage vampire romances, he does get Stormwatch’s nonchalant attitude, as Hawksmoor seems more concerned about missing his baseball game than about the situation in hand. In fact, he sums it down as “let’s just kill everyone.”

Apollo throws sunlight at the vampires – since when is he able to do that? – but it doesn’t quite work. It’s all right, though, because he discovers he’s vampire-proof; the ones that bit him turn to ashes!

Apollo goes against Andrew, figuring he’s the leader so killing him will destroy all the others. But not only is he wrong, he’s unable to harm Andrew. It’s interesting that the characters keep mocking Apollo for his assumption of destroying the leader, even though it DID work like that when StormWatch faced vampires on “All-Star Western”.

Andrew and Apollo make amends quickly enough, skip the pointless fight and direct their attention to the zombies. When one of Andrew’s friends gets infected, though, the good guys decide to retreat and find higher ground. Andrew’s vampire girlfriend, Mary, recognizes StormWatch; apparently they clashed a century ago.

Checking in with Engineer, StormWatch finds files on Andrew Benneth that refer to him as “the demon’s lock.” Turns out, Andrew was once used as a magical seal for a psychopath. So if he’s been a trap for dark magic before, maybe he can do it again. Andrew sucks all of the dark magic in the desert up inside of himself, returning all of those within to their human selves. However, this turns him evil, making him the last, most powerful vampire. StormWatch tries to stop him, but they can’t hope to contain him, and Andrew leaves. That’s the last we see of Wildstorm characters in this lame little tale.


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